I didn’t want to be free either. I identified a lot with Dancer in that I felt this was my calling and my place now. I didn’t want to live like a ...azy bitch and or a piggy either.I didn’t think I deserved to be a “good girl” that was master’s top tier. It came with all sorts of perks like sitting on the toilet and using toilet paper. I was able to eat human food again at a table and not even have to stand (unless I misbehaved).I felt guilty when I sat on the toilet for the first time in weeks.. Exchanging such intimacy in the corridor is highly unseemly but for reasons that elude my understanding I do not experience guilt and I chose to justify my decision with the fact that, were I human, it would not be considered unseemly, if perhaps somewhat indiscreet.It has taken an unfortunately long time and the disagreeable separation through his departure to Columbia until I finally gained the understanding that my attempts at denying my obvious affection for the ship's chief engineer are. More

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