We got the steaks off the grill and had dinner then sat down in our rec. room and started talking. I asked Mike what his plans were for the evening an... told them they were welcome to stay longer and maybe watch a movie with us. Mike said that would be great unless Shelly still wanted to go out to the movie as they had planned, she jumped in and said she would love to stay.Shelly and my wife went off into the next room and Mike and I grabbed a drink and started talking again, this time as my. There’s a loneliness inside me that is eating away at me. Sometimes I wonder why I keep going on when it’s clear that my real life ended a few years ago. Then I decide that life is too interesting to just cut and run without a really good reason, and I don’t believe that there’s anything other than this life we have. Still, I think about suicide every day. It’s an impulse I constantly fight. I suppose eventually it will get the best of me. I walk home. It’s not long. I live about half a mile. More

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