Sex in some way felt like a half measure without what I was dreaming of. In all secrecy, I started practising self discipline in my early teens and af...erwards, everything felt just so much more meaningless and empty. It was not just a dream. It developed into a craving for pain and humiliation that I neither could or wanted to control. I realized that it had to surface some day. I read everything I could on the subject and when I found 'The Story of O' it was like a revelation to me. I also. I have joined a number of local community groups so I can meet other people with similar interests, so I regularly use Kasey as a baby sitter. Sometimes I come home and I get the feeling that stuff has been moved, just a little, but enough to know. I have never been able to point the finger at Kasey and I have never caught her doing anything other than sitting and reading when I have come into the house. Just once I'd like to catch her on the sofa with a boy behaving like a proper babysitter. More

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