More than this, the 'invisibility' that used to stalk me and withhold the acceptance I craved in the Vanilla world had followed me into my BDSM world ...nd it felt like nobody noticed or cared that I was falling from view.Themes of abandonment are strong in my darkest fantasies. In this particular fantasy, as I look up the ragged walls of the emotional ravine I've slipped into, I see my husband and our kinkster friends above. They stand on the edge of the precipice with their backs to me. I can. We made eye contact and I likely gave him a nod and a little smile as I walked into the bar.So I sat up at the bar and tried not to be too obvious that I wanted to invite him back to my room to be his cock sucker. And when the time came for me to try to close the deal, I turned around and notice another older black man sitting at another table near him, and to be honest, there was a flash in my demented mind to both standing over me with their hard cocks in my hands, and taking turns sucking. More

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