I tried nudgings, hip-bumpings, terrible jokes, compliments, everything short of telling her to smile. Everything free. I felt a bit misogynistic to s...raight up tell a woman to smile. I didn’t want to be that kind of guy.“That’s a lot of you.” Philia exploded into cheer to see me. She looked over the group. “I don’t think we have enough tables in any one section to accomodate you. Can you wait? Fifteen, maybe twenty minutes?”She was so worried. I was just glad she didn’t rush to kick people. “So what’s her name?”“Uh, who?” I answered stupidly, still totally fucked-up.“Your wife, silly. The person we’ve just been talking about.”“Oh…..uh….Heather. It’s Heather.”“Heather, hmm,” she replied, as if the name conveyed pretty much what she was; a boring white-bread girl-next-door. “How tall is she and how much does she weigh?”“She’s just over 5’ and weighs about 105 pounds.” I felt kind of uncomfortable talking about my wife like this, but I was curious to find out where she was going with. More

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