I have been feeling all frothy and willy-nilly for a while. Those inner demons have been lurking for months, stalking me, but I’ve been unwilling to...confront them. It’s a conundrum I’m sure every woman has grappled with? You really, really, “like” him, you even “love him” (small “l”) but you don’t “LOVE” him (big caps). And then there is the connection you have to your “first”, those special bonds of intimacy. The man who has taken your virginity is always going to be special. How do you cut. We came (and that’s a bad choice of words, I think) close to being inundated by those waves. I keep telling myself that I don’t want to make that final move until, as I told Jay, we’re sure. Trouble is, I’m lying on my back in this bed and I’m pretty sure. That assurance partly comes from the fact that he didn’t push me any further than I wished to be pushed, maybe he didn’t even push as hard as I WANTED to be pushed.‘Lena, you have a new view of yourself, ‘ I thought. ‘You totally failed to. More

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