In those days, food was very inexpensive. I figured if I am going to be broke, I might as well go out with a bang and not a whimper, so I had my delic...ous dinner and then faced the harsh reality I was completely broke. My landlady was kind and gave me a tiny room and each morning brought me coffee, toast and jam. She often brought me tea and a snack in the evening. I had a little desk and I wrote every morning and evening, but during the day would go to the café I enjoyed, gradually got to know. And at the same time realised that there was a big difference between being so totally turned on by it all and actually being able to physically hit a woman. The whole thought of it was against my nature, so I contented myself with the fantasy and images of what a lot of people would class as perverted or at least in my mind they would. I pictured myself tying up my wife in nice silk scarfs and gently spanking her bum, the whole fantasy being toned down inside my mind so as to make it playful. More

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