I never heard from Billy again, two days later, he and his cousin were killed in a motorcycle accident . The next four years, I was a confused kid. ...Went to school, had friends, went out with girls, even had steady girlfriends.Masterbated every day, sometimes several times a day. Most of the fantasies that accompanied these sessions were about girls, girfriends, women in magazines my father brought home,hid, and I found. Sometimes when jacking-off I would think about about Jason's or. “Why are you so nervous, Emma? You’ve been on tons of dates before.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess it’s just weird being on the first date since Travis…” I trailed off, losing myself in my thoughts. He was my first and last, and I spent the whole summer either being pissed about him and Katrina, or not thinking of him at all, because I was thinking about Kyle. So if I had thought about him all summer, what was the problem? Where was the excitement? I was afraid that I wouldn’t be good. More

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