I started by going to the gym and working out everyday to help distract me. I started to meet friends again and got out of the apartment. I was starti...g to feel better. But that moment of enlightenment was still ever present in my psyche.“When the court proceedings started, a few weeks ago, I had already made up my mind. As the lawyer made his case, the opposition started to flounder. On the last day, before the jury would deliberate, I had settled all my affairs. I knew what I would do after. So now I'm over my embarrassment and I'll write what I couldn't write last night. I'm getting to be an old maid! I'm almost twenty-seven and I've never ... well, I'm not going to write that. I'm not that drunk. But I'm an expert at masturbation. I wonder if the real thing is better? (Is a coke bottle 'the real thing'? I ought to try.) But, ever since Uncle Bill touched me, ten years ago, and got me all excited, I've been scared of guys. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't had an attack. More

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