There was a carnality in me I couldnt erase. A healthy individual would have opened the door gradually, but my siblings had knocked it down and thrown...me across the threshold against my will. Because of them, I could never separate my pleasure from my guilt. From this day forward, every sexual experience I might have would be doomed to suffer a mix of ecstasy and guilt. Because of them, sexual pleasure became shameful. And shame would become a substitute for pleasure. All I could do was submit.. ." I started to count, hoping if I did it would please her and she'd stop sooner. I guess I could have resisted but it didn't come to mind at all once she got going."Oh look how pathetic you are slut! A real man would never have let this happen to him. If Jack was here I'd probably be in your place! He definitely wouldn't have been over my knee whatever happened"The reference to the guy who fucked her the night before stung a little, but the fact she so happily talked about it as if my feelings. More

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