Anyway, to make a very long story short, after Matthew left, the void in me grew exponentially. I felt so much lonelier and so much more vulnerable af...erwards, as I always did after sex with him, and still needed the TLC that I’d needed earlier that night, just three times over, now. I feel like such a bad person writing this out, but that night I needed to be with someone who really did care about me, or at least someone who was warm enough to be classified as human, who could hold me tightly. After Eva finished, I returned to my room. I had time before dinner, so I examined the amulet. But my thoughts wouldn’t leave Eva. My yearning was oppressive. I spoke out loud. “God, I am so lonely. Why can’t I find someone? If only I were desirable to beautiful women.” I didn’t think I was really addressing God, just a figure of speech. But the result was immediate and powerful. I began to perspire, my body tingled and my penis stirred. It pressed against my clothes. A voice, it. More

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