I’m still not prepared to do that.”“It seems to me that makes four ways that you’re different from those men.”“Oh,” I said.“Do you thi...k Estelle would have wanted you to enjoy the experience?” asked Benito.I didn’t answer.“Do you think Jennifer wanted you to enjoy the experience?” asked Benito.I didn’t see any need to answer that one.“So why aren’t you allowed to enjoy it?” asked Benito.“I think I get your point,” I said. “I’d like to go away and think about this.”Benito nodded. “That’s fair. What if she didn't say it? That would only expand my sense of loss.What if she did say it? That would intrude on a private intimacy I had with Maria.Was I trying to replace her? I didn't want Melody to be Maria. She couldn't be. But if, in time, I loved her as deeply as I did Maria, would that be disloyal to Maria?She had buried her husband. Hopefully she would move on. She was still very attractive even approaching 50. She had money and a delightful personality. She also wouldn't take any. More

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