I had already lost twenty years of my life and I didn't want to spend my next however many in hiding, sneaking around and only managing to see the wom...n I loved for a few short days a month. Nope. The decision was made- albeit it with a large intake of alcohol to help the process along. I was going with her. Not only that, I was going to ask her to marry me too...That last announcement met with much mirth and merriment from my drunken friend as he assured me that he would remember what I had. But this time, I can feel the core of uneasiness wriggling under the blanket. I’m worried, deep down in a place that the trance isn’t touching. I’m frightened that I won’t be able to do what He wants me to do. I try to tell myself that it’s okay if I can’t be His perfect girl. I try to remind myself that He doesn’t really own me, that this is all just an illusion that we agreed on and that I can withdraw consent any time I want, for sex or hypnosis or anything. But I know that I’m lying to. More

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