Again, I was shocked that she had even had a discussion like that with him. We still were seeking another man or a couple. It was turning into a huge ...antasy for me, and I found myself pushing her more and more. Generally she was more reserved about this, feeling reluctant to have sex with a total stranger. Of course there were other issues to consider in inviting someone we knew– like having to see them on an ongoing basis. Eventually this was turning into almost an obsession for me. I was at. I danced with the gyrating motions of a teenage girl. But itwas all a sham, and the emptiness in my soul only grew greater. I want tobe the woman I am inside, not just have some of the mannerisms of one. Iwant to be one of the girls screaming in the audience, not the singeronstage at whom they are screaming."I tried, Augie, I really tried to overcome it. I even put my career onhold and joined the army in the hope of making myself into the ?real man'I was supposed to be. But it was no use. And. More

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