You will be the first - or more likely, the third - to know. I repeat, I did not screw Linda Shoesmith.She screwed me. I never had to move a muscle. Q...ite how she managed to be so ... well ... physical ... with all that lot hanging from her chest, I do not know, but no doubt it's a question of sustained practice. We performed our act on the living room carpet. The television was on, but I cannot for the life of me remember anything about the show. For me, this is a damning indictment of the. He stopped the car. She walked towards it ... And my bus arrived. Shit! English, double-decker bus, right between me and the scene unfolding in front of me. I was gutted. I’d worked out what the girl and car were doing, of course, and I wanted to see it all happen, even though I remember thinking “what IS going to happen?” I was an innocent, you see. Not a moron, but not exactly familiar with sex, other than the shower-head and the handle of a particularly well-endowed hairbrush that felt. More

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