I felt truth to the word for the first time. I'msure he meant calling me 'faggot' as a slur for gay. He thought I wasgay. Who could blame him? I thoug...t I looked kind of gay when I was inthe subway, I'm in a gay neighborhood. If I had to assess me I'd probablysay gay too.Is this what it feels like to be gay? People just come up to you right inthe street and call you a 'faggot'? Right in your face like that? Theycan just shove you? People openly want to hurt you? I've felt like such atarget. In my squirmingaround on the mattress I felt something next to me and tried to pick it upwith my hand. I had no coordination but finally succeeded in grasping theobject and raising it to my face. In the darkness I could make out agigantic baby's pacifier. While the sight of such a thing should have setoff alarms in my head I unconsciously popped it into my mouth with a majoreffort and began sucking contentedly, drifting off to sleep. I neverremember being so content and happy.Some time. More

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