And I loved teasing him and controlling him like that! I am not manipulative really, it’s just that I felt such a deep connection and intimacy with...him when I could make it so that he couldn’t wait. Those times happened slowly, infrequently, and then only after we’d been playing for several months. At first, he didn’t let me see; after many apologies, he went into the bathroom. I caught on to that pretty quickly, and finally got up the guts to tell him to stay. Beautiful man, he did as I. He was tall and thin. He looked me over for what seemed like minutes; seemly, inspecting every feature, looking for imperfections and comparing me to the other women. He reminded me of a bookkeeper from a Charles Dickens novel, sitting at his tall desk and scrutinizing the figures, except in this case the figure was mine.As he looked me over, I sensed admiration mixed with apprehension, a fear of missing something better. I found myself ambivalent as to whether I wanted him to choose me or not.. More

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