I wrote that I must learn to endure the painwithout complaint.It was slow work because of the problems with using my hands, andeverything I wrote look...d childish and clumsy despite the struggle toproduce it. I had to learn a new way to hold the pen. I wrote that too.I wrote that I was too clumsy to write in gloves and would have tolearn to do better.I went on in a similar vein to describe the limitations of my uniform,how I had brought them on myself through laziness and disobedience, andhow I. He did me twice – once on the back seat and then again on a blanket down by the beach. Nothing new there, but as he was driving me home he asked me how Ricky was handling my being gangbanged at Benny's birthday party. That is when I knew that unless Ricky was extremely open minded – and I'd not seen any sign that he was – we were most likely going to part ways. If Bert knew – and he had been away when it happened – then everyone knew and the word was bound to get to Ricky. I wasn't in love with. More

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