I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to...'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a. His oldest sister Marty, went to school with me and we were friends. She actually introduced James and I. One day, Marty and I were talking and she said she had a secret to tell me and that I must promise not to tell anyone. I said sure, what is it. She said that she and her older brother had played doctor together and touched and sucked each other’s privates. I said “You didn’t!!!” , she said that they had been for a few months and that one day their dad had caught them and whipped them. More

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