They madeher feel so sexy. Even if her mannerisms weren't perfectly feminineall the time or even if hands were a bit too big or her fingers toothick ...er big breasts kept anyone and everyone distracted fromnoticing. And her outfits all made sure the focus remained on thosetits and not anything which might allow anyone else to "make" her asnot being an actual full real girl.She didn't mind if some people were able to "make" her as being a gurlinstead of a girl so long as it was the right sort. She sends out fingers of desire, need, thought- tries to project them into her past, pull out something stable. The images seep through her fingers like fine sand peppered with doubt. Irving, Johnothan, Kenneth, Lyle… She has a deep envy of the living. She is tired of her half-existence. She is tired of being sad, tired of not even minding that someone her age should grieve. And in the thin bony box of her head she understands, and accepts, the fact that her immense unhappiness is doomed to. More

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