The start of the NFL season was coming up. I decided to have a little party to celebrate and watch the first Sunday games with my buddies. I invited t...ree of my best friends and planned to smoke some meat for the occasion. My wife Emily took it as an opportunity to go shopping with her sister Candice. Unfortunately, she insisted that I invite Candice’s husband Dirk to join us. The only problem was that Dirk was a dick and I couldn’t stand the asshole.One of my buddies couldn’t make it.. But I have just been informed there is to be a temporary exception for those from other galaxies. Therefore, we will adapt the traditional ritual accordingly and greet you as a cherished friend.”They were lining up in front of me. “We will each taste of your lips and sexual organ, and then you will do the same in return.”The words “will do” had an ominous ring to them. I was nervous to make sure I didn’t commit any more social infractions, as I was unclear on what punishments might result.“You. More

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