I still needed to get a shower and get dressedbefore Brian showed up. I figured on going very casual with only alittle makeup. The last thing I wanted...to do was start sending mixedsignals.Unfortunately the time I saved with less makeup was lost when I had towash my hair. Not washing it wasn't an option. It was frazzled and wetwith sweat from rehearsal. I may not want to impress Brian, but I don'twant to look like a slob either.Mom came into my bathroom as I was finishing getting it dried.. At home, I was relieved that Jermaine was out. We’d moved into a realm where we cried privately and went about doing our own thing. We didn’t cry in front of each other: somehow sharing our tears would have made the whole nightmare even more unbearable.Having undressed, I put on my bathrobe before flopping onto my bed where I sobbed into the pillow until there were no more tears left. It felt like sand had replaced moisture in my ducts. Grief is exhausting, and crying always made me tired as. More

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