While I couldn't mourn the actual loss of my mother, I wasbeginning to mourn the loss of those moments that we'd shared. I wouldhave much rather had a...l of those wonderful-sounding memories than tosimply hear about them in a second-hand kind of way. It actually mademe feel less of a person to be told about my life instead of havingactually experienced it.I think Dad understood that I was becoming uncomfortable because itwasn't long before he changed topics to something more lightheartedlike. Before going over, I made eye contact with him several times and he smiled. All three turned to face me as I arrived at their table but I looked right at him. “Do you have a light?” I held up my cigarette and twirled it between my fingers.“No, I don’t smoke.” He had a deep voice which I liked. Thinking quickly, I improvised.“That’s OK, I have a lighter out in my car. Would you like to come outside and keep me company while I smoke?” It was the. More

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