Now, no matter what I felt about boyhood, I could not deny that I waslooking at a girl.Strangely, I became acutely aware of the softness of my clothin..., andaware that only girls wore clothes like this. My cock started to stirin my panties again, not because I was turned on by being close to apretty girl, but because I was starting to feel like a pretty girl. Iwanted to cry.I managed, by an enormous act of self strength, to pull myselftogether. my stomach rumbled, reminding me that I had not. My deepest fear was realized time and again…no one wanted me, for any amount of time. I always fucked up and they always walked away. There was an empty bottle of wine that lay shattered against the locked door. I didn’t know why I had locked it. No one would be coming to see me, to save me. This was my own personal hell, created for and by me. This is where I would live, the monstrosity of pain that I had built on trying to be what no one really wanted. I had not eaten for days. The hunger. More

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