The cacophony of emotions begins to make a little more sense to me. There's that quivering strand of confusion running through it all - betrayal. The ...bsolute, fundamental, world-inverting betrayal you only get when you are deceived by that which you relied upon most. Its a gut-wrenching, sickening feeling that makes me nauseous. Not nauseous enough to counteract my own sick feeling of arousal though, dammit. Shit, I can feel bile in the back of my throat and its not just the absinthe. These. I could never blame my parents though, because they were both pretty athletic.Now being 19 and a drop-out, I had told myself that something had to change. So with a bit of determination and help from my dad, I built myself up kind of. I wasn't bulking, but I gained some girth. I went from a lanky kid with a lithe form to a half-assed athletic guy with a bit more muscle to attract some girls. That was a whole other story however. Despite my new look, and a tiny shred of self confidence added, my. More

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