I struggle to control my breathing, so much faster than before. The croprests across my unmarked forearm. How high did I raise it last time. I remembe...bringing it down with as much force as I could, so if I can get the startingheight right then I should be fairly close. Encouraged by this solution I bringthe crop to what I estimate the correct height and almost with relief bringit down with all my might. Realisation of what I am doing hits me at aboutthe same time as the pain, a long second. ..a pipe organ, playing notes that don't belong together. but it's not. Maybe it's wind, howling through an opening somewhere...but it's too constant, and unchanging. There are brief sensations of terror, but I don't know why, almost like dementia, fleeting thoughts, that you can't seem to remember only seconds later. What the fuck is going on?Where am I?The sound suddenly stops. Utter silence. Terrifying silence. Then I realize the silence is not silence, but deafening. I just cannot. More

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