At the same time, I had to restrain myself not to go to far. Already then, I realized that I had to be very discreet and as I grew up, my obsession be...ame a very secret part of myself. Dating boys I found just boring as nobody realized what I was longing for and I had no one to talk to about it. Sex in some way felt like a half measure without what I was dreaming of. In all secrecy, I started practising self discipline in my early teens and afterwards, everything felt just so much more. I felt dirty and disgusted by the feeling of his warm cum running across my body. Will rolled me onto my side and pressed his naked body against mine, holding me close to him. I only wished I could have gotten away. My mind floated in those few moments. I had just been raped by someone who used to be my best friend. There was no way of denying any of this when I went back to school. How was I even going to be able to function knowing that every day I went to my high school, he would be. More

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