I finally decided that if Hal wasn't there I'd be no worse off than usual, I'd just have pick up some homeless guy hanging around like I'd done many t...mes before. ***As it turned out Hal was waiting in the park and I took him to my car and drove us to my house. Unlike the other guys he wouldn't let me do him as he was. He said that even though he was homeless he had his pride. So finally I stopped trying to dissuade him from a shower and let him take one. While he was in the shower I suddenly. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it. More

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