(gasps) First elf: Yes, thats right youd better watch out for CUMSTAINS, or theyll be on you! Mary Christmas (towards audience, rolling eyes): Jeez, d... you see what I have to put up with? then towards First Elf: Anyway, what sort of a hitch? First Elf: Hes been drinking again&hellip,hes totally wasted, ripped, juiced, plastered, paralytic, pickled, pie-eyed, legless, trollied, gazeboed, blasted, blitzed, bombed, stoned, smashed, steamed, soaked, sloshed, rat-arsed, out of his mind&hellip,. Let me try to give you the short version,” I said. “Linda, maybe you could help Deb out with Jen? Maryanne, let’s go sit on the porch.”As Maryanne, Sera and I walked out the door, the sounds from behind us became very sexual. I closed the door behind us.“Okay,” I began as we sat down, “just after Halloween, I made a wish that somehow got granted in a way I hadn’t intended -- not that I expected the wish to be granted at all -- and things got strange. First, Linda and Deb started calling each. More

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