”On Deer Hunting:If you ever miss one, it’s because the bullet’s moving too fast.Slow the bullet down to 55 miles an hour, put some headlights a...d a little horn on it -- the deer will actually jump in front of the bullet.There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids. I was feeling elegant and feminine, keeping my balance like I was wearing skates. It was painful, but the pain was so worth it. And then I woke up. Even though it was a bad dream, it had kind of a nice ending to it, and I woke up smiling. That day at school, I had to protect little Johnny Something only a few times. In the morning I was walking down the hall with my friends, and I saw him headed right for us. One of my friends was about to hit him, and I grabbed his hand and told him to leave. More

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