What do you... ?”“Yeah. Yeah, I understand.” But she said it in a sullen tone that suggested anything but understanding.I was losing patience. O..., I knew damned well that getting hyper myself was not a smart thing to do. Her reaction was all out of proportion. Unreasonable. Hysterical, even. It was clearly not a good idea at all for me to lose patience. Get hysterical myself.But, damn it, this was craziness! Why in blazes couldn’t this beautiful woman get it through her head that I was batshit. Maybe I was just clinging to the unattainable so that Iwouldn't get hurt by anyone else. It went to show just how pathetic Ireally was. I was afraid to get married, and afraid to have kids for fearthat I would do what my mother had done to me and ruin my own children'slives. It was better that I remain alone so that the cycle of abuse couldbe broken, or at least that's what I told myself.For the first time in years I found myself thinking about my genderidentity. Well that's not really. More

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